


but i'm writing this at three a.m.

by inklingchild



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (dukeceit qpr? maybe. we'll see), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cold-Blooded Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Monologue, Janus is in Love with Virgil, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Platonic Dukeceit - Freeform, Self-Isolation, Unreliable Narrator, slowburn, sympathetic everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28747860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inklingchild/pseuds/inklingchild
Summary: It was two in the morning.Janus was cold.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 22
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Talking about people behind their back, maliciously breaking things that don't belong to you
> 
> the title is from "francis francis" by mitski! thank you so much to @teacupfulofstarshine on tumblr for the title!! youre the best, title queen

It was two in the morning.

Janus was cold.

It wasn’t anything new, Janus was usually cold. He couldn’t remember a time he wasn’t cold. Maybe in the very beginning, when the King was still around and he and Virgil were as thick as thieves, but that time wasn’t worth remembering. It brought too much grief. And so it wasn’t odd that Janus was cold. He was always cold, with ice in his feet, and an icicle in his chest. Every so often, that icicle would dig itself further into his heart, piercing it with its freezing touch and cold demeanor and-

And maybe he wasn’t thinking about just being cold anymore.

Janus groaned and flopped onto his back. He pushed away his electric blanket and heating pad, the idea being that if they weren’t going to do their job and warm him up, he didn’t want to be near them. He hated the texture of that blanket anyways. Roman probably did that on purpose; he was quite smug when he handed it over, but Janus was too proud to ask for a new one. The heating pad had been a gift from Patton, after one too many instances of food he made not settling well with Janus’ stomach. He didn’t mind it and had since then used it often, not that he ever told Patton that. 

Glancing around his room, he started picking out things that hadn’t been there a few months earlier, prior to the beginning of his acceptance. A snake plushie from Patton, a book on Emmanuel Kant from Logan, his two corn snakes sitting in their terrarium from Remus, though that one had been there for much longer than the rest. Janus sat up against the headboard of his bed and watched as his snakes dozed underneath their heat lamp, nice and cozy. He would take them up to hold them for a bit, but he thought better of it. Why disrupt their sleep just because he couldn’t?

He kept looking around the room, head lounging against the backboard. A lot of the little knick-knacks were from Remus, admittedly. Snake skeletons hung from the ceiling like constellations. That had been a birthday gift, two years ago. After Virgil left.

He didn’t want to go down that road.

Janus refocused his attention on the book by Emmanuel Kant sitting on his main bookshelf. That had been a bit of an inside joke between him and Logan, something that the other sides had never understood and never really sought to. Logan would still smile and call him Emmanuel after he had been caught in a certain lie. Janus quickly realized that it was the only time Logan allowed himself to smile, let alone joke or laugh, so he endeavored to do it more often. Logan seemed to appreciate it.

The plushie had been an “acceptance” gift, of sorts, at least according to Patton. Janus hadn’t seen the point in it, but disappointing Patton just didn’t make sense in the moment. So, he took it and arranged it gently at the top of one of his many bookshelves overlooking the whole room. Its little tongue was stuck out in a little blep, making Janus smile slightly. It was cute, he’d give Patton that.

The only thing Roman had gifted to Janus was actually something that Janus treasured quite closely. An old-fashioned record player that sat on its own pillar in the corner of the room, next to Janus’ elaborate desk. The brass speaker was somehow modified for the sound to be changed according to what hand motion Janus made, which was what shocked him the most. What was the point of making something so complex for someone who Roman supposedly hated? Janus never asked, too afraid of Roman taking the gift away.

Janus swung the comforter off his legs and scooted to the edge of the large bed. He gently placed his feet onto the plush carpeting, into a set of slippers Remus gave him years ago. He slowly pushed himself off the mattress, his knees creaking from the cold. Janus wrinkled his nose at the feeling of the cold sweat accumulating at his back and underneath his arms, and resigned himself to taking a shower before he left his room. A small shiver ran down his back and Janus moved his head back to try and get the crick out of his neck. After a few minutes of gentle stretching, he started to move towards the bathroom. A hot shower would help with the cold, at the very least. 

He slowly shuffled his way to the bathroom door, his head suddenly full of fog from the sudden movements. As soon as he picked up his silk robe from the doorknob, a knock was heard from the hallway outside his bedroom. Curious, he laid the robe over his arm and stepped towards the door, opening it in the same motion. Across the hallway, Logan’s door was opened as well, the owner of the room standing in the doorway. Virgil stood in front of Logan, the large patchwork hood over his head. They spoke in hushed tones, a fond look on Logan’s face. Janus shifted his footing, the floor creaking below him. Virgil’s whole body twisted to face the other side. Logan’s head had likewise shot up to meet Janus’ gaze. At the sight of him, Virgil hissed, pressing back into Logan. Said man stared at Janus for a few moments, and then flickered his eyes down to the much shorter side. Janus got the idea and stepped back further into his own room, and shut his door. He stood there for a moment before pressing his ear against the door.

“…-an’t believe that eavesdropping snake.”

“Virgil, he probably just heard us in the hall and wanted to investigate.”

“No! That’s just what he wants you to think! Trust me on this, Lo. He's evil.”

Janus stayed at the door until he couldn’t hear them anymore. He straightened up. He strode to the bathroom door, draping his robe over his arm. With a quiet step into the tiled bathroom, he shut the door behind him, and turned on the water so that they couldn’t hear him crying.

[]

Janus made his way down the stairs as he pulled his gloves taut. It was barely daybreak when he stepped into the Light Sides’ kitchen, Patton still sound asleep. He wasn’t planning to stay for long, Virgil would have his head after last night’s encounter. Swiftly, he filled and placed the kettle on the stove. He used his third hand to reach up for his favorite mug as the second reached for his morning tea, the first still setting up the stove.

As he pulled down his mug, he tossed a glance back to make sure that he wouldn’t drop the ceramic onto the floor. He paused. That wasn’t his mug. This mug was plain, white, utterly dull. His was handmade, by Remus and Virgil when they were kids. It was the last thing-

It was the last thing he had from his time with the Dark Sides before Virgil left. 

Convinced he must have made a mistake, what with his sleepless night, he finished setting up the kettle and tea bag. He opened the cabinet. He shifted through the different customized cups, but his mug was still missing. Janus pursed his lips. This was odd, he admitted to himself. He was used to craziness in his schedule, he lived for Remus for many years and adapted accordingly, but this? Remus wouldn’t do this.

Breathing in, Janus refused to allow this incident to ruin his morning. He had better things to do today than cry over a missing mug. If anything, it was still in the dishwasher. He kept going about his business, tidying up the kitchen as he went. He moved over towards the trashcan to deposit a dirty paper towel left on the counter. That’s when he saw it. Shards of ceramic buried beneath paper plate and snack wrappers. Purple and green, black and yellow pieces.

Shattered

Janus blinked once. Twice. He dropped the paper towel into the bin. He shut off the stove, depositing the kettle in the sink. He grabbed the trash bin and with two of his arms, swept his favorite teas sitting on the counter into the container. He tossed back it into its usual corner without his usual grace and tact. 

He stood there for a few moments, suddenly unsure of what to do with himself. A creaking floorboard forced his attention to the top of the stairs, where Virgil stood, looking down at Janus. They locked eyes for a few moments. 

“I won’t leave,” Janus said. “I deserve this just as much as you do.”

Virgil said nothing. Infuriated and achingly upset, Janus stormed towards and up the stairs, stalking past Virgil with the heavy feeling of his heart beating painfully in his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: general remus thoughts (k/lling, one s/x joke but janus cuts him off before it gets there)  
> let me know if i missed anything!

_“How do you do it, Jan?”_

_“What do you mean?” Janus looked over at Virgil, who was draped across a stained beanbag._

_“You just…function. So normally.” Janus snorted, looking back at his book._

_“Very funny, Virgil.” Virgil frowned and sat up._

_“No, seriously, you’re all…put together and shit. You’re even wearing a button-up, like that stuck-up Logic upstairs.” Janus sighed, placing his bookmark on the page, and tossing the book onto his desk. He leaned back in his chair, and tilted his head towards his fellow side._

_“It’s all a façade, Virgil,” he started, mouth quirking to the side. “It’s easy to pretend that I’m in control if I can dress like I am.”_

_“Damn,” Virgil huffed, sinking back down into the beanbag, “wonder if that would work for me.” Janus outright laughed, and Virgil glared at him. “What? It’s a valid question.” Janus smiled and shook his head. He got up from his seat at the desk, and plopped down next to Virgil, wrapping his arm around the other side’s shoulder._

_“Never change, Virgil. You don’t need to,” Janus said, unusually solemn. Virgil gave him a weird look, shifting a bit so that he could look the side in the eye._

_“What’s that supposed to mean?” Janus ran his hand through the baby hairs at the base of Virgil’s neck._

_“It means that you are loved just the way you are. There’s no need for you to change, nothing you need to hide that makes you shameful.”_

_“And you need to do that because…?”_

_No response._

_“Is this about-”_

_“Whatever you’re going to say, it probably is. I just don’t want to think about it right now.” Janus moved his arm away from around Virgil, only to tuck himself against the anxious side’s chest. “I just wanna hang out with you for a little bit.”_

_Virgil didn’t say anything, and Janus’ heart beat a little harder, afraid he had made a mistake, crossed a boundary. “Is…” he started, “is that okay? If you want to talk about it, we can, it’s just that-” Virgil cut him off, letting his arm drop around the snake’s shoulder. He pulled him closer, dropping a soft kiss to the top of Janus’ head._

_“Of course, it’s okay, snakey.”_

_A beat passed._

_“Would you-” Virgil cut himself off. Janus stiffened slightly._

_“Would I what?”_

_“Would you love me one day? When we’re older, and everything is easier.” Janus moved to push himself up from his spot against Virgil’s chest, but Virgil kept him there, holding him tighter. “If you look me in the eye, I’m gonna start panicking,” he joked breathlessly. Janus furrowed his brow, but settled. He reached his free arm out to Virgil’s and locked their fingers together. He pulled them up to his mouth, pressing his lips to their hands._

_“I think I already do love you, V. I think I always will.” Janus looked up at Virgil. “I’ve got you, Virgil.”_

_“Always?”_

_“I promise.”_

Some promise.

Janus laid back in the recliner, the heat lamp spilling over his legs and warming him ever so slightly. His mind wouldn’t stop badgering him with memories that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. That one seemed to stick out the most, especially after seeing his mug in the trash. He promised Virgil that he would always be there for him, didn’t he?

What happened to him? What happened to him that he would take his oaths, his promises, and break them? 

As much as Patton, and Roman, and Virgil, and Logan would like to think, he took promises seriously. Such an intrinsic part of being deceitful, of being Deceit, was that he was also self-preservation. Self-preservation meant gaining trust and keeping it. Doing that required keeping promises. 

Sure, he broke a few here and there, but it wasn’t his fault people couldn’t see the difference between his truths and his lies. They were honestly quite plain to see, he didn’t have to spell it out for them. Well, more than he already did.

And that promise to Virgil?

He _meant_ it. He really did. And that was the scary part.

[]

He sat there for a few hours, drifting in and out of a dozing state. Banging at his bedroom door made sure that he jolted awake, knocking the heat lamp out of place. He hissed at the coldness of his room pressing down on his body, but he shut off the lamp regardless. He moved to his dresser as the banging continued. “Come in, Remus, dear!” he called out, setting his gloves aside. Remus didn’t require gloves.

Remus opened the door and peeked his head through, his smile wide and his eyes maniacal. “Janny!” He stepped into the room fully, closing the door behind him. “There you are, you snake! You’ve been in here for so long, I thought you up and rotted!” Janus only chuckled, giving Remus a deadpan look from the corner of his eye.

“Oh please, Remus, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” Janus’ eyes softened and he turned around to face the destructive side. “Hug?” Remus’ eyes gleamed and he lunged for his friend, who braced himself with his arms open wide. Remus hit Janus’ chest with a thump, quickly wrapping his legs along the other man’s waist as Janus wrapped his arms around Remus’ torso. It was testament to how often they did this that Janus didn’t even stumble at the collision. Remus clung to Janus’ neck and head, resting his chin there. 

“I could so easily kill you right now, Jan-Jan,” Remus mused. “Just snap your neck.” Janus huffed, squeezing his grip around Remus.

“Oh, you could, but remember who is holding you up, dear Remus. Do you not remember the story of the scorpion and the frog?” Remus peered down at Janus.

“Sure I do! That’s the fun of killing you! I get to break my bones too!” Remus smiled creepily. Janus just chuckled. “Bed please?” In lieu of responding, Janus took a few steps back until his legs hit the edge of the bed and Remus used his spot high up on Janus to swing them onto the edge. Janus landed on his back and Remus shouted a loud “Whee!” as _he_ landed on Janus’ face and neck.

  
“Remus!” Janus shrieked, muffed since his face in his friend’s stomach. “Alright, _off_ , you big lug, I can’t-” he cut himself off with a wheeze due to Remus kneeing him in the liver.

“Hey, you’re the one who let me climb you like a tree, now you must deal with it,” Remus said happily, wiggling in place. Janus grabbed Remus’ hips, picking him up like a feral cat and throwing him to the other side of the bed. Remus giggled from his spot and Janus couldn’t help but grin. He reached out a hand and Remus took it. “What’s up, Janny McPhee?”

“Just feeling sleepy, Remus.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Janus.” Said man raised his eyebrows at the tone and turned his head to look up at the covering on his four-poster bed.

“Full name. I haven’t heard that in a while.”

“Don’t lie to me and you won’t hear it.” Remus tightened his grip on Janus’ hand. “Now tell me.”

“You’re going to be upset.”

“Don’t fucking care.”

Janus sighed and turned his head back to Remus.

“It’s Virgil. I’ve been thinking about Virgil.” Remus’ breath hitched and Janus shut his eyes when he saw the tears welling up. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. We both get upset when we talk about him.”

“Well, you were the one who was in love with him.” Janus scrunched his eyes tighter.

“Don’t give me that, Remus. He was as much family to you as he was a lover to me.” Remus let out a wet chuckle.

“Lover. Why the hell do you use that word? Why not fuck-buddy? Friends with benefits? Well, you guys never fucked, so I guess friends with romantic benefits? Kiss-buddy? Oh, do you think Virgil would take it up the-”

“Nope,” Janus cut him off. “We are not going there, you foul bastard.”

“You know you wanna!” Janus opened his eyes to see Remus waggling his eyebrows and he couldn’t help but give a laugh. Remus smiled, albeit not as wild as the one he had earlier. They settled down after a few minutes of gentle teasing, and the room filled with the sound of their in-sync breathing. Remus was the one who broke the silence.

“You know it wasn’t your fault.” Janus didn’t respond. “Janus, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I thought you said you wouldn’t use my first name.”

“I said I wouldn’t use it if you didn’t lie to me.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“You know that a lie of omission is still a lie. You’re the one who taught me that.”

There was a beat of silence.

“It was my fault, Remus, you know that. He wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t…” Janus trailed off, his throat closing up. Tears stung his eyes. Remus pulled his arm towards the end of the bed and Janus obediently scooted down with it. The other aspect let go of Janus’ hand only to drape his arm around his friend’s waist. 

“What’s done is done, Janny,” Remus said softly. “You can’t change the past.” Janus felt himself begin to shake.

“Remus, you know that I’m sorry, right?” he responded. “Please, you have to know that I’m sorry, I just wanted what was best for Thomas and-” Janus cut himself off with a hiss, his eyes clenching shut. Remus pulled him closer.

“I know, Janny,” Remus said, after a moment had passed. Janus just shook his head intensely and Remus pursed his lips.

“I’m _sorry_ , Remus. I will always be,” the snake side whispered. Remus brought his arm up to cradle Janus’ face.

“I know, Janny. You know that I forgive you.” Janus looked up to stare Remus in the eyes. “I know you can tell if I’m lying. I forgive you, Jan. I forgave you so long ago.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: allusions to depression, unreliable narrator

Very rarely did Janus go out of his way to be in the common areas. After the wedding, he found that hanging out in the warm Light Sides’ area invited discourse and strife that he often didn’t want or need to deal with when he was out of his room. Being on the point end of Roman’s katana wasn’t exactly fun the first six times, and despite what Remus’ brother thought, he knew when he wasn’t welcome. There was no point in pushing his luck by being out of his room during the day. 

That’s why it was the middle of the night.

A small secret (that really wasn’t that much of a secret) was that Janus loved sitting underneath the bright sun lamp the Light Sides had set up in their living room. It reminded him heavily of the days that were wasted dozing away during his shedding period, Virgil and Remus curled up on his right side only who entertained him while he was awake. Janus could never remember being more loved during those painful, itchy weeks, with Virgil taking great care to moisturize his skin and Remus waiting on him, hand and foot for whatever he needed. His heart was always so full, even if he writhed with wanting to scratch at his skin.

(He tried to forget that he could remember with vivid clarity the first shedding after Virgil left. There was still a hole in the wall of his and Remus’ living room.)

With a few good snacks and a book, he could spend whole days curled up in the nook of the couch, like he used to as a young kid. But he couldn’t spend days there, for obvious security reasons, so he planned his excursion with absurd precision. “Okay,” he spoke softly to himself, “Logan is asleep at ten p.m., Patton at eleven. Roman is probably in the Imagination, and Remus promised he wouldn’t bother me.” He stepped away from his desk to look at the cork board with stereotypical red string crisscrossing the board. It was pretty funny to have such a weird looking board in his room, and he loved taking down the pins just to set up a new scenario for the week. It kept him busy.

This week, it was Virgil’s schedule that took up the board. Virgil was a wild card. Janus knew said wild card very well, but he would be naïve to think that the anxious aspect would keep the same patterns since leaving the Dark Side. The aching chasm in his heart grew a bit and Janus inhaled sharply. Tears gathered in his eyes, but he blinked them away and steeled himself. Today was not a day for reminiscing. Today was a day for espionage and subterfuge. He was good at that.

With faux confidence, he straightened his back and stared resolutely at the board. “Virgil has been in his room since nine in the evening.” He took his cane and smacked it lightly against a graph. “Research shows that on sleepless nights, Virgil leaves his room an average of one or two times per night for snacks and water.” Dropping the cane against the side of his desk, Janus crossed his arms and quirked his lips to the side. “Now to find out if Virgil is asleep.”

Janus started walking around his room, all six hands gesturing through the air as he talked himself through this mystery deemed Virgil’s sleep schedule. Eventually he stopped and sighed, his hands dropping to his side. “What am I doing,” he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut. “Why do I care if Virgil finds me, I can just sink out.”

Janus slumped and sat down on his bed. “I’m even talking to myself,” he said to the empty room. His heart sunk slightly. He _asked_ Remus not to bother him. He wanted a night of calm and self-care. That was his whole shtick, was it not? So why was it that all of a sudden, he wanted nothing more than to be held like a child?

_Damnit_

Janus glanced at the corkboard and a silent rage built up in his chest. He shoved himself off the bed, storming across his room. This was a now or never moment; he couldn’t just sit around all day moping. What was he, Anxiety? No. He was not Anxiety.

He was Deceit.

Self-care ran through his veins. With every stomp towards the door, anger and self-righteousness flooded his system. He couldn’t let this no-good, boyfriend-abandoning, love-crushing side ruin his evening. He had let Anxiety ruin far too much of his life so far. He needed to let go of their relationship. It was only hurting him.

He grabbed the door knob and practically ripped the door open. He pounded down the stairs, a fierce smile on his face as he descended into the living room. Turning the corner into the kitchen, he snapped his fingers, yellow tank-top and lightweight grey sweatpants replacing his usual layers. A book appeared in his other hand and he proudly marched into the space where the heating lamp resided. 

And then he stopped.

All of the energy racing through him evaporated and he was left numbingly empty. The air around him had turned cold and damp, like the aftermath of an awful storm. The room seemed almost cloudy, and Janus found himself forgetting why he was there. Every thought was a struggle to comprehend.

In the middle of all of this was Patton.

He was tucked into the corner of the couch, curled up in a small ball. The heat lamp was turned off, but Morality pressed himself so close to it, it seemed like he was trying to soak up all the warmth that wasn’t there. If Janus strained, he could hear small hitches in Patton’s breath and see the trembling of the broader side’s shoulders.

Janus bent down to place his book on the coffee table in front of him and took a couple steps towards Patton, despite the fog getting thicker and thicker. It was only when Janus was right in front of the moral side that Patton even noticed that he had a guest. When Patton peaked his head out between his knees, the atmosphere changed almost instantly. The fog disappeared and the heavy weight on Janus’ chest that he didn’t even notice was there lifted. A blindingly fake smile was pasted on Patton’s face and Janus ached with the force of the untold lie. 

“Dec- Janus! I hadn’t even seen you there!” Patton greeted, exceptionally cheerful for the tear tracks streaking his cheeks. “You should know better than to sneak up on your good ol’ dad.”

Janus stared at him incredulously. “Are we going to pretend that I didn’t just see that?”

Patton’s perfect smile trembled at the corners a little bit. “Pretend you didn’t see-” his voice cracked and he attempted to cover it up with a cough. “-see what?” he finished pathetically.

“Patton,” Janus deadpanned. The other man seemed to shrivel beneath Janus’ stern gaze, his shoulders shrinking in. His chin tucked into his chest.

“’m just having a bad day is all,” he mumbled. Janus scoffed, and Patton honest-to-God whimpered. Janus scrunched his nose at the sound and made the decision to sit down. Patton tried to scoot over a bit, but quickly realized that there was no more space at the end of the couch, and wriggled uncomfortably instead.

“I can feel lies, you know,” Janus said conversationally. Patton sniffed. “Even ones that are unsaid.”

“…whaddya mean?”

“I can feel when someone dodges a question about how they’re doing, or when they pretend to eat food by pushing it around their plate.”

A beat passed.

“I can also tell when a smile is fake.” A sharp inhale was heard.

“Really?”

Janus reached out with his hand, hesitating slightly. He looked at Patton, and when the other man nodded, he rested his hand gently on Patton’s arm. “Would you like to talk about it?” Patton let out a short, bitter laugh. The fog started filtering through the room and Janus felt his limbs grow heavy.

“Of course, I want to talk about it, Janus,” he snarked uncharacteristically, eyes welling up with tears. “Do you think I want to pretend that I can't feel how mad Roman is with me? Or, or, or, how _disappointed_ Logan and Virgil are with me? Not to mention you and Remus,” he added with a dark undertone. Janus felt a prickle of resentment at the pointed statement, but it was swallowed by the sweet taste of truth filling his mouth. “I don’t want to keep holding it in!” 

“So why are you holding it in?” Janus asked softly.

“Because I don’t have a _choice_.”

Patton wasn’t even sad.

He was _angry_.

Janus almost didn’t know what to do. Except that he did.

“It sounds like you're pretty upset.” Patton started shaking his head before Janus even finished his statement.

“No, I’m not angry. I could never be angry with my friends.” He said resolutely. His voice was firm. Janus could see there was no arguing with that one.

“Maybe not with them, then,” Janus said, “Maybe you’re angry with yourself.”

Patton said nothing back. He stared at the coffee table.

“Am I correct?”

A small nod.

“See, that’s good. Thank you for admitting it.” Janus started rubbing his hand up and down Patton’s arm, similarly to the way he did with Virgil all those years ago. An angry feeling crept into his brain ( _you loved Virgil, more than Patton ever did, he replaced you, can’t you see, leave him to the wolves, he rep_ **_laced you-_ **), but he forced himself to shove it aside. Self-care night was postponed, he scolded himself. We’ll deal with emotions some other time.

Preferably when the side that deals with emotions is nowhere near him.

Janus was startled out of his mini-reverie by Patton slowly leaning towards him and he jumped slightly. He saw Patton’s face pinch and immediately, the other side was pushed back up into the couch. “Hey, wait, no, Patton,”

“No, it’s okay!” he said almost hysterically. He seemed to curl even tighter into himself. “I didn’t ask, I shouldn’t have assumed-” Patton’s breathing picked up and the tears began to overflow. Janus pursed his lips, grabbed Patton’s shoulder and pressed Morality into his chest. He shifted so that Patton was in his lap, but could easily shuffle away if he wanted to, and carded his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of Patton’s neck.

It was really fluffy. He forgot that he didn’t have his gloves on.

Patton went so still that Janus feared that he had stopped breathing. The next moment, Patton just _melted_ into his lap, a puddle of snot, tears, and cat pajamas. Janus held on tighter, and slowly, sobs started to build back up. He closed his eyes and started rocking the two of them back and forth. The crying grew louder and the fog made it impossible to see two feet in front of you. 

And for a moment, it was just the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah so  
> i might have disappeared.  
> i signed up for the ts big bang 2021, so updates might be a bit slow, but theyre happening!!  
> kudos and comments feed my soul <33


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